Speed Racer (Warner Brothers)

Confession time. Have I ever told you that I vomited during The Blair Witch Project? I did. I got horrid motion sickness and had to run out of the theatre to puke. Only, I didn’t make it. I threw up in a trash receptacle inside Theatre 13! Do you know how loud Dr. Pepper is when it hits a trash can full of hollow paper cups? It sounded like a performance of STOMP. I’ll be honest again. I’ve seen the trailers for Speed Racer and they make me nauseous. There’s a disturbing trend in modern cinema and that trend includes hand-held cameras and frenetic action and animated sequences. I loved the Bourne trilogy, but had to keep turning away from the screen so I wouldn’t projectile-vomit like Linda Blair. I liked Cloverfield, but had to pull my hoodie up over my head in case I wretched. Speed Racer looks stylish and ambitious, sports a cast that includes Emile Hirsch, Susan Sarandon and Matthew Fox, and is written and directed by the Wachowski brothers (The Matrix). Those are normally reasons to race and see a movie. I just hope I can watch this one.   

May 16th

The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian (Buena Vista)

I cannot wait! I am as excited as a fraternity boy at a toga party! Talk about pitching a tent! Movie-going hasn’t been the same since The Lord of The Rings: Return of the King exited theatres in early 2004. For me, nothing has achieved that level of fantasy and special effects mastery. There is only one Peter Jackson. But Andrew Adamson is hot on his heels. Adamson directed The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe, a solid fantasy full of magical lands, enchanting creatures and seamless special effects. The good news . . . Adamson has returned for the sequel and brought with him the original cast, a cast that includes huge names like Liam Neeson and Tilda Swinton. But that list also includes Georgie Henley, who, as young Lucy Pevensie, gives this movie franchise its wide-eyed wonder. 

May 23rd

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (Paramount)

I cannot wait! I am as excited as a fraternity boy on keg and funnel night! Can you believe it’s been nearly 20 years since Indiana Jones went on his Last Crusade. Well, he’s taken a Geritol and a couple of swigs from a can of Ensure and he’s back for another. Yes, Harrison Ford, now 65-years-old, suits back up as everyone’s favorite archeologist and whip-wielding college professor. Steven Spielberg directs. Check! Cate Blanchett, Shia LaBeouf and John Hurt are along for the ride. Check, check, check! And they even saved a spot for Karen Allen! Say goodbye to the powdered milk, girl! You’re back in the game! So is Indy. This is going to be a HUGE hit!

May 30th

Sex and the City: The Movie (New Line Cinema)

I cannot wait! I am as excited as Samantha Jones when she sees a UPS guy with a big package! I was a huge fan of the HBO original series about four sassy and sexy women looking for love in New York City. Hail! Hail! The gang’s all here for the big screen edition! And there’s even more good news! Oscar winner Jennifer Hudson, who defined sassy in Dreamgirls, joins the cast to play the assistant to relationship columnist Carrie Bradshaw (Sarah Jessica Parker). If you’ve been watching the watered-down Sex on TBS, you’ve missed all the fun. You’ve been having safe Sex. See, HBO gave these girls the license to be themselves. They are beautiful, successful, stylish, witty, bawdy and horny. The big screen is going to give already well-established characters even more definition. I personally can’t wait to get me a bladder buster and a box of Butterfinger bites. I’m in the mood for Sex.